my heart.

I hope I make you laugh and smile. That’s my goal.

WHAT?

Anyways, here is my heart.

Tonight, when I got back from the Love Boat, my radio show, I felt this funny feeling. I got this feeling last night before I went to life groups. I got back to my dorm room, and I opened up my fridge. I got a yogurt out to eat for a midnight snack, and sat down in my living room. As I began to eat my yogurt, I all of a sudden wasn’t hungry anymore. I began reading my devotion. It talked about how we are a new creation in Christ and how we are in union with Christ. We are one in Christ. I think that’s cool. I got done reading my devotion and opened up my journal. I started writing. I like to write about my day. I like to write what I am feeling. I get joy from writing.

I wrote that I think God is trying to tell me something. I have no clue what, but I knew he was trying to tell me something. All I could do was trust in my Maker and in His plans.

After I got done writing, I got up and put on my warm hat with strings and a ball on top, put on my Nike neon shoes, and began walking. I walked out to the quad at USF. I stumbled up onto a ledge in front of Jeschke and sat there. I was amazed at the stillness and quietness of the night sky. Granted, it was 12:30 am, but I just took it all in. I opened my heart up to God and started praying. I said God, first, thank you that I can share your love on the radio. Thank you for the people in my life that have took time to get to know me. Thanks friends!

Then, I said, God, you know me better than anyone else. You knit me together in my mother’s womb. You have a plan for me. I can feel you working, but I don’t know what the heck you are doing or what I am suppose to do. Steady my heart.

I proceeded and said God, be honest with me. What do you want me to do? Am I suppose to be just loving, and using the Love Boat as a ministry? Do you want me to go on the Mexico mission trip with the Ransom? Am I suppose to talk to that girl?

Literally, I am scared. Freaked out.

I am a senior in college. My fall semester is almost over, and sooner than later, my last college semester will start. That is scary. I am going to graduate, and I really don’t know what the heck I want to do. I have some job options. I could work at KDLT, or ESPN 99.1 radio. Then, I feel like and I have told my best friend Chase this, that I am getting nervous because I don’t have much longer to find a good girl. College is a great time to meet girls. There are so many things in my life that I don’t understand.

My heart is like, what the heck is going on?

I hope that maybe someone is reading this blog, and will pray for me. Maybe you are feeling the same way, and we can talk.  Please, just can someone tell me it is going to be alright. If you reading this, if you want could you Facebook message me, text me, or call me. I could just use some love and encouragement.

God, I just need you. You are first, and I am second. I have no idea what I suppose to be doing. Search my heart, and let me understand you, God. Help me know that I am loved.  I just want to cry, cry out to you God.

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