I called out my insecurities

I told myself I was going to try to go to bed early tonight but then I started thinking and now I’m blogging. So here this goes.

Every year it seems like I go through the same season of life. I hit a really high point and then about in August always, I start to struggle again. It must be since summer is winding down and a new season, fall is about to start.

One thing that’s never wavered is my faith. I always know and believe God is there and in the good and bad times. I know that God puts different seasons in our lives. For me, this one over the last year been filled with ups and downs.

My mentor told me to make a list of my insecurities. So I want to call out my insecurities. I overthink stuff, I suck at making decisions, I worry about the future, I have regrets about giving up my dream of being a sports writer, and other things and I think that I have to have a plan and be perfect and that I can’t fail at stuff.

I think those are the root of my problems and they are things Satan tries to get me to stumble on. I have to be honest, I’ve fallen for them too much and I’m sick of letting the devil get a foothold because God is the most important thing in my life and in Him he can help me defeat these insecurities.

I remember that my God is so good. He’s faithful. He’s never given up on me and never will. He has a perfect plan. I was reading a girl’s blog tonight and it hit home. She used two Bible verses to sum up what she is going through and they are perfect for what I am going through too. First, she shared Proverbs 16:9. It reads, “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.  Second, she also shared John 13:7, and it reads, “Jesus replied, you do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

For me, I’ve had a lot of jobs. I got out of college and was faced with rejection after rejection. Then I got my dream job of being a sports writer. But after a year, I called it quits because I got burned out and got lonely. Yeah, I missed my family and friends. Now some of my best friends have moved away or started doing other things. I feel like I had started my dream but abandoned it. I have constant regrets about it. I work at a television station now and enjoy it. The people are amazing. I’m a photographer and editor. I shoot and edit stories. But I miss being able to write and tell the stories. I have to understand that God has me where I am at for a reason and maybe someday, he will put me back into sports writing. Like the title of this blog, I have to love where I am at. I need to trust God and let him direct my steps. I may not understand what God is doing, but I have to be patient because the end result is going to be sweet. God’s given me talents and gifts and abilities and I need to use them to glorify Him.

God always knows what’s best. Through it all, my eyes are you, Lord. Take away my insecurities and help me focus on you. I can do all this through Him, who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).


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